The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
