Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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