i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
