I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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