i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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