Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize