Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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