At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
