haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
