Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
