i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
