I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
