Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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