Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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