the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
