do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize