i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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