i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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