Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just had sex on a roof
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
