so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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