i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
