with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you will always have a special place in my vag
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
