i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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