I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize