There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I have feelings that need drinking.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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