the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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