That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize