Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
