its not stalking. its research.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize