I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
