Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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