just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
