I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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