just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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