in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
