Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
