I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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