We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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