tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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