so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize