NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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