ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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