He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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