You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
