I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
