The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
