i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
