Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize