OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
