Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
