My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
