You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize