Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
