I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
