I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
