I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
