Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
