We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize