I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Go christen that room with your naked body.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize