U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
