I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize