trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
