My balls are so social today.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
