so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
