Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
