is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
my poor anus
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sorry about my life...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
