If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
