I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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