trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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