fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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