and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
