I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
