we have pet lesbian snakes
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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