Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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