This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
