Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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